Vulnerable...

I was about to begin writing this and it occurred to me that this is the same thing I was writing about or at least touching upon in my first blog post. I wonder if anything's changed in the way I think - or whether my thoughts have simply become clearer with time. I still don't find my thoughts coherent yet - I suspect you'll probably agree with me there!!

Certainly a lot has happened in my life since back then - I've found myself in a lot of vulnerable places - emotionally, spiritually and in daily encounters with others. It's been challenging and at times very painful, but looking back, I can see it has all been very beneficial. I've forged new relationships - sometimes with the most unlikely people and in the most unusual circumstances; and in doing so, I've grown in confidence too.

What is it about being vulnerable - being prepared to give of yourself (or your self) without expecting any return? I'm finding that by letting go of my own fears, my preconceptions, my self, along with all it's strong desires to stay hidden and remain in some sort of control, I'm progressively feeling less vulnerable; because the more I'm letting go, the more comfortable I am with it - to the point where being vulnerable is becoming almost second nature. It's not that I seek this vulnerability, I'm just not as afraid to show it any more.

I've learned too that being vulnerable doesn't mean being deliberately open to abuse, although some abuse may be possible - that's where the risk in being open with others lies - it's the risk that you might be conned, ridiculed, rejected...

It's important that in becoming vulnerable, we don't adopt a victim mentality to support it, because that's not what it's about - it's simply about being open with others within each others' boundaries. It's all about showing love for one another.

But still, in the real world, people hurt and get hurt...

I just pray that whenever God has done tearing my life apart yet again, He'll keep putting it back together looking more beautiful each time.

'Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?' Matthew 16:24-26