It's Been a While!

I didn't realise just how long a while it's been.

It's been a time of challenge,
joys and sorrows.

It's been a time of waiting and watching,
abiding and listening.

It's been a time of conflict.
Relationships - if they ever were - have been broken.
But new and more solid relationships have been forged.

It's been a time of growth.

Now it's a time of new opportunities,
new challenges,
refreshed hope.

And through it all, Christ is the constant, come what may.


"Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3: 13b-14

Things That Make You go 'Hmmm...'

I'm often hit by sudden meandering thoughts inspired by everyday happenings.  A couple of days ago was no exception - however it was one of my stranger ones and therefore deemed worthy of a blog post!

At work, I was given a whole lamb's heart for analysis, I held it in my hands and turned it around to see which bits I could use.  Now I'd held and cut up various bits of animals during biology classes in my schooldays many, many moons ago, but holding this lamb's heart was different somehow.

It was then that I noticed there was a tear in this specimen - I'm told that this is something that abattoir butchers do to all hearts after slaughter - to make sure the animal is really dead maybe?  I don't know whether this is true or not, but its certainly plausible.

I looked at this tear and suddenly the words of the prophet Zechariah flooded into my mind:

"They will look upon the one whom they pierced."

And then I thought upon the sacrifice of Christ upon the cross:

"Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world."

Today in Church, we celebrated the Eucharist - and it somehow seemed more real and present to me than it has done for a long time.

Praise the God of the everyday things, Who uses the everyday things to teach us valuable lessons.

I Refuse to Grow Up!!

I refuse to grow up, I refuse to get hardened, I refuse to be closed up, I refuse to resist change. I refuse to be captured by tradition; I refuse to settle for second-hand laughter, I refuse to stop expecting wonders and marvels every morning.

I refuse to become dull and colourless; careful and bland, I refuse to become a quiet little mouse, afraid to try anything new. Why? Because I follow Jesus; who always found the most colourful and dramatic way to do things; who found a coin in the mouth of a fish to teach a lesson, who overturned the moneygrubbers’ tables.

I refuse to grow up and settle down and never be open to new truth any more. I refuse to think that I know all there is to know. I refuse to think that this old dog can’t learn any new tricks. I refuse to grow up into deafness, dumbness and blindness.

Most of all, I refuse to grow up and become cynical. I refuse to grow up and become callous. I refuse to grow up to be suspicious of everyone’s motives and wary of everyone’s feelings. I refuse to grow up and be fearful, negative and suspicious.

Why? Because I follow Jesus who puts a child in front of me and says, "Be like this. Have this kind of faith. Have this kind of trust. Just let yourself love and be loved”. I follow Jesus whose great commandment was "Love one another", not "Be suspicious of one another."”

Dearest father, set me free anew every day so that I can learn how to be your child now and always. Amen.

(many thanks to US Baptist Pastor Joseph Smith for the words in this condensed meditation)  

Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Mark 10:15

Secrets that won't go away...

Today is the anniversary of Britain's worst maritime disaster, the sinking of the troopship Lancastria. An estimated 9000 troops were already on board when she was sunk off the coast of St Nazaire during the evacuation of the BEF in 1940.

Of those 9,000, just short of 2,500 survived...

But its a secret.

Winston Churchill, not wanting to further damage British morale slapped a reporting blackout on the tragedy - and so it remains. The official admission of the tragedy, along with the known facts will not be revealed until 2040.

Until 2040, the wreck of the Lancastria will not even be given war grave status which would have at least ensured that those who went down with her could be left to rest in peace. Thankfully there is sufficient publicity, sympathy and respect on both sides of the Channel for the site to be unofficially recognised as such.

"On all the oceans where whitecaps flow,
There are no crosses, row on row;
But those who sleep beneath  the sea,
sleep in peace...your country is free."

   
The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. 3Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear! Luke 12:2-3

Litany of Humility

I've always struggled with Lenten observances, probably ever since as a devoted 9 year old Roman Catholic, I gave up eating sweets for Lent, but failing to grasp the full meaning, didn't actually give up buying them!

So this year, maybe partly because of everything that's happened in the last 12 months, I'm trying to simply get back in touch with myself and deepen my relationship with God and others.

This morning I read a reflection on the 'Seven Deadly Sins'. Pride tops the list, not without good reason, because if one looks closely at the other six, it soon becomes apparent that pride is the real root of those also.

Pride is a vicious spreading parasite which infects and strangles all parts of our life and if left unchecked, spreads to others around us, sucking the life, joy and hope out of entire communities.

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,
deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,

From the fear of being humiliated,
deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected,

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,
That in the opinion of the world,
others may increase, and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I,
provided that I may become as holy as I should.

- Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val

Brokenlegged again

It happened again.
Every time I start going forward in faith, something seems to knock me flat.

This time has been different though, it is turning into a time of incredible refreshment, release and growth.

Those divine paradoxes at work again!

Towards the end of October I became unwell and virtually unable to function. A few trips to the doctor and blood tests later I was put on some meds which have improved things for me apart from still struggling to stay awake if I stop moving.

So, in this really low time, I've 'gained' an entire support network which I hadn't previously realised I had, as well as making new friends along the way. My thought processing has altered greatly too - theological reflection isn't half as traumatic as it used to be, so that now, I really can use it to good effect.

My biggest concern was how my ill health would affect me regarding the Reader ministry on which I've just embarked, and well - there was no need to worry as it's possibly grown somewhat!

With the help of a fellow conspirator, we even managed to arrange the 'Evangelicaditional' service I've been threatening to do at my very low Anglican home church all year!

Shock, horror - we used candles, icons AND incense, but it's okay, I think we got away with it!

I was asked yesterday whether I had any New Years resolutions and I was totally honest when I answered no, since I know everything that needs to happen in my life simply will.

God is infinitely good!

The woman, the water, the way...

A great meditation on the ebb and flow of spiritual life based on the experience of Teresa of Avila and the four stages of prayer.

Let nothing disturb thee;
Let nothing dismay thee:
All thing pass;
God never changes.
Patience attains
All that it strives for.
He who has God
Finds he lacks nothing:
God alone suffices

As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
 
My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me, “Where is your God?”
       
When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. 
For I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God, 
with the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
       
Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.

O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
and from the heights of Hermon, from the Hill Mizar.
 
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
 
The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me - A prayer to the God of my life.
       
I will say to God my Rock, “Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
 
As with a breaking of my bones, my enemies reproach me,
while they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.

Psalm 42