Prayer for the week

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you and I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton

The ultimate indignity?

I've been unfriended on Facebook!

I suspect I'm supposed to be devastated, to send my now ex-friend a message asking them why I've been subjected to such treatment - which came rather swiftly following a frank text message conversation.  I'm supposed to apologise for my misdemeanour and beg their friendship back.  It's not going to happen.

Not many months ago, I would have been all the above, but not now.  It's not that I've grown callous, cynical or insensitive.  I've simply grown less gullible.  I'm secure enough to allow others to walk away without feeling the need to beat myself up - which only added to the initial pain of loss.  Their decision is their own.

I do still care deeply what happens to this friend, but for now at least, I have to let them go.  Maybe one day they will understand.

"Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet."

Proverbs 25: 5-7

A Beautiful Service

Its been a week of funerals for me, but amid the loss and sadness, there has been some new growth in my life.  For the first funeral, the coffin was brought into church the night before for a short service of prayers.  It was a beautiful, simple service, as was the actual funeral the next day.  It seemed to be extra special as the interment took place in the churchyard too, as opposed to undergoing a further journey elsewhere.

I’m not good at funerals; I usually end up an emotional wreck – which isn’t ideal considering that I may sometime in the near future be asked to preside at these services.  I talked over this with the Reader who led this first funeral.  He spoke about how wonderful it is to take funerals and what a privilege it is too.  Something clicked in my thinking during that conversation – I also see funerals as beautiful, even if sad occasions, so what is it about them which seems to upset me so much?

I knew it was nothing to do with death or any apparent hopelessness of the occasion, it isn’t even the sadness.  It wasn’t until I thought about exactly when during funerals I begin to ‘lose it’ that it dawned on me – it is when I see the coffin actually being carried – for the rest of the service I’ll be fine. 

It struck me that the final act of kindness and love that one can perform for a loved one is to bear them to their final resting place…

It’s the beauty of witnessing this simple act which moves me to tears.

Following the second funeral of the week, I was chatting with a work colleague – one who has never ‘darkened the doors of a church’ in their life.  I mentioned that I might be presiding at funerals in the near future to which, with eyes lit up and a big smile and (I confess) to my great surprise, they replied “That will be fantastic, it must be so great to do such a beautiful service.”  When I aired the concern about my ‘emotional suitability’ they gave me a very practical viewpoint – they actually think it wouldn’t matter all that much – in fact, it might be helpful to a grieving family to see that the person taking the service can show compassion with them.  The jury is still out on this final point but on the whole, what useful insights I’ve gained this week – so much so that I actually don’t feel as nervous about funerals any more.

On Loving God

Today, the Church remembers Bernard of Claivaux.  Whilst studying for my theology degree, I had to read and review his work 'On Loving God'.  For a relatively short work, it certainly carries a lot of clout!  It can be read online or downloaded in various formats here, it is quite heavy-going in parts but I'd definitely recommend it.

This is part of the final chapter - a kind of summary of the rest of Bernard's work:

"Nevertheless, since we are carnal and are born of the lust of the flesh, it must be that our desire and our love shall have its beginning in the flesh.  But rightly guided by the grace of God through these degrees, it will have its consummation in the spirit: for that was not first which is spiritual but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual (1 Cor 15.46).  And we must bear the image of the earthy first, before we can bear the image of the heavenly.

At first, man loves himself for his own sake. That is the flesh, which can appreciate nothing beyond itself. Next, he perceives that he cannot exist by himself, and so begins by faith to seek after God, and to love Him as something necessary to his own welfare. That is the second degree, to love God, not for God’s sake, but selfishly.  But when he has learned to worship God and to seek Him aright, meditating on God, reading God’s Word, praying and obeying His commandments, he comes gradually to know what God is, and finds Him altogether lovely.  So, having tasted and seen how gracious the Lord is (Ps 34.8), he advances to the third degree, when he loves God, not merely as his benefactor but as God. Surely he must remain long in this state; and I know not whether it would be possible to make further progress in this life to that fourth degree and perfect condition wherein man loves himself solely for God’s sake. Let any who have attained so far bear record; I confess it seems beyond my powers. Doubtless it will be reached when the good and faithful servant shall have entered into the joy of his Lord (Matt 25.21), and been satisfied with the plenteousness of God’s house (Ps 36.8). For then in wondrous wise he will forget himself and as if delivered from self, he will grow wholly God’s."

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.  We love because he first loved us."  1 John 4: 18-19

The dark tunnel without the light at the end...

"Street Spirit' is our purest song, but I didn't write it. It wrote itself. We were just its messengers; its biological catalysts. Its core is a complete mystery to me, and, you know, I wouldn't ever try to write something that hopeless. All of our saddest songs have somewhere in them at least a glimmer of resolve. 'Street Spirit' has no resolve. It is the dark tunnel without the light at the end. It represents all tragic emotion that is so hurtful that the sound of that melody is its only definition...

Our fans are braver than I to let that song penetrate them, or maybe they don't realise what they're listening to. They don't realise that 'Street Spirit' is about staring the fucking devil right in the eyes, and knowing, no matter what the hell you do, he'll get the last laugh. And it's real, and true. The devil really will get the last laugh in all cases without exception, and if I let myself think about that too long, I'd crack."  Thom Yorke

... he still won't get the very last laugh though.

Living sacrifices

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."  Romans 12: 1-2

What does it really mean when Christians are asked to present themselves as 'living sacrifices'?

This powerful illustration by Simon Guillebaud speaks for itself.

Mercy

I'm a big fan of Simon's Cat.  Besides the on the surface humour, you can sometimes catch some great 'moral' stories.  This particular cartoon makes me reflect on mercy - both God's toward me and how mine should be towards others.

I think there might also be an element of how I like playing cat and 'mouse' with God in there somewhere too!

"For as the heavens are high above the earth,  So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west,  So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father pities his children,  So the LORD pities those who fear Him."  Psalm 103: 11-13

Transfiguration of a different kind

Peter  "Wow, this is fab, lets make tents!"

Jesus  "No need, we're not staying here.  There's work to be done down in the valleys, then off to another mountain - where there will be two criminals for company instead of Moses and Elijah, where the transfiguration will be not to glorious transcendent light, but to a subhuman, shamed and bloodied pulp ... Pick up your cross and follow me..."

"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.  To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen."  1 Peter 5: 10-11

Science and religion?

"Human creativity is astounding. In organic chemistry there comes a point when someone comes up with a truly unique way to solve a problem – skipping over several steps in a synthetic pathway to make a compound in a truly elegant way. It all fits into place and makes such sense all of a sudden. How can people do that? This is not simply a survival skill – somehow we can understand these complex reactions, and use them to make new products. The chemist’s joy at the elegance and beauty of the solution is also worth thinking about. Beauty in chemistry? The simplicity of the solution, the symmetry and the mathematical elegance of the equations could all be called beautiful."

I just love these observations by Ruth Bancewicz on her blog - Science and Belief.

I originally trained as a colour chemist/physicist - when it comes to making colours, there's only the finest margin between the chemistry and the physics. I remember being awestruck at exploring all the different theories of what light is and how it can be split into the colours of the spectrum. Colour chemistry was also what got me initially interested in quantum theories as I puzzled over additive and subtractive colour mixing - is black always black - or can it be white at the same time? The idea of colour being described in three dimensions and mapped in a sphere... such thoughts and questions flooded my mind!

Then there was the 'fun' of trying to find the molecular structure of a dye that nobody else had yet discovered - one atomic group in the wrong place, or facing the wrong direction and you go from a potential success to abject failure!

I'm still working as a chemist now, but in food technology.  Instead of designing and creating beauty, I spend most of my working days destroying delicious looking products!  I use chemistry to break down food products into their basic components in order to analyse and quantify the particular chemicals I'm looking for. This too is fascinating and having seen that most food isn't really made of much 'stuff' at all, my interest in quantum theory has increased.

But in spite of my fascination for the scientific, I'm not an atheist. The fact that I'm aware of the intricacies of molecular structures, coupled with seeing that something 'solid' can be broken down into virtually 'nothing' only serves to strengthen my belief that all that exists cannot have been formed by accident or chance. So call me mad if you like - I'm happy to be in the ranks of mad scientists - who've often made amazing and life-changing discoveries!

"Surely men of low degree are a vapour, men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighed on the scales, they are altogether lighter than vapour."
Psalm 62:9