Today, the Church remembers Bernard of Claivaux. Whilst studying for my theology degree, I had to read and review his work 'On Loving God'. For a relatively short work, it certainly carries a lot of clout! It can be read online or downloaded in various formats here, it is quite heavy-going in parts but I'd definitely recommend it.
This is part of the final chapter - a kind of summary of the rest of Bernard's work:
"Nevertheless, since we are carnal and are born of the lust of the flesh, it must be that our desire and our love shall have its beginning in the flesh. But rightly guided by the grace of God through these degrees, it will have its consummation in the spirit: for that was not first which is spiritual but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual (1 Cor 15.46). And we must bear the image of the earthy first, before we can bear the image of the heavenly.
At first, man loves himself for his own sake. That is the flesh, which can appreciate nothing beyond itself. Next, he perceives that he cannot exist by himself, and so begins by faith to seek after God, and to love Him as something necessary to his own welfare. That is the second degree, to love God, not for God’s sake, but selfishly. But when he has learned to worship God and to seek Him aright, meditating on God, reading God’s Word, praying and obeying His commandments, he comes gradually to know what God is, and finds Him altogether lovely. So, having tasted and seen how gracious the Lord is (Ps 34.8), he advances to the third degree, when he loves God, not merely as his benefactor but as God. Surely he must remain long in this state; and I know not whether it would be possible to make further progress in this life to that fourth degree and perfect condition wherein man loves himself solely for God’s sake. Let any who have attained so far bear record; I confess it seems beyond my powers. Doubtless it will be reached when the good and faithful servant shall have entered into the joy of his Lord (Matt 25.21), and been satisfied with the plenteousness of God’s house (Ps 36.8). For then in wondrous wise he will forget himself and as if delivered from self, he will grow wholly God’s."
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4: 18-19

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